Diplophonia
A story about voice loss by Lucy Mathews Heegaard
Covid-19 paralyzed the nerve to one of my vocal cords and reduced my voice to a gravelly, hoarse whisper. My speech pathologist called it “Diplophonia.” During a year of vocal fold paralysis, I became acutely aware of how our voice connects us to ourselves and to others; and how the loss of our speaking voice can send shockwaves through our sense of self and self-worth. The experience was not simply physical, but became a metaphysical and spiritual inquiry for me, as well.
I have now told the story in three different ways: a 52-minute documentary film that premiered in 2024 at the Minneapolis St. Paul International Film Festival; an abridged, 19-minute documentary created for those who want to get the essence of the story in short order; and a 1,300 word essay that was published as a limited-run, handmade letterpress chapbook by The Wild Apple Press of Bethesda, Maryland.
I offer my story in kinship and support of those experiencing a voice disorder and the people who love them. No matter what the cause⏤whether vocal fold paralysis, muscle tension dysphonia, stroke, Parkinson’s, ALS, or any number of other conditions⏤voice loss impacts almost every aspect of a person’s life in ways that are hard to imagine fully without going through it.
One Story TOLD three Ways
SHORT AND FEATURE LENGTH documentary FILM + letterpress chapbook
Documentary Film
Using audio from voice messages I sent during my year of vocal cord paralysis, the sound of my own voice changing in real time is the heart of the film’s soundtrack. By collaging multiple layers of imagery, most of which I filmed during my time of voicelessness, I created an abstract visual landscape that shifts and transforms to parallel the emotional and spiritual terrain of voice loss.
I created the original 52-minute film while I was experiencing voice loss and completed it only weeks after learning my paralysis had resolved. This iteration of the story has a raw immediacy to it because you are literally experiencing my paralysis with me, almost in real time. In addition to my voice loss, the longer version of the film explores tangents of metaphysics and spirituality that helped me keep my spirits afloat.
The 19-minute documentary short is tightly focused on the voice itself, without the tangents. Interestingly, the emotional impact of the abridged documentary is just as powerful. I created the shorter version with the hope that it might be shared in contexts of health care providers, students seeking to become healthcare providers, and support groups for those experiencing voice loss. The shorter running time allows more space for group discussion afterwards in a typical classroom or workshop timeframe.
What happens when you suddenly can’t be heard?
ARE YOU EXPERIENCING VOICE LOSS?
- Where I Received Treatment
- Interview with My Speech Pathologist
- Reddit Board: Mildly Broken Voice
- How to Find Medical Care
- Facebook Support Group
- How Long Was My Vocal Cord Paralyzed?
Lions Voice Clinic, University of Minnesota
An interview with Dr. Deirdre Michael, who was my Speech Language Pathologist throughout my treatment. She co-founded the center where I was treated and was involved in the early development of many treatment options, including nerve reinnervation.
A message board with lots of experiences shared by others with a wide variety of voice disorders. Though many had conditions very different from mine, I did find very helpful information here for my own condition and felt much less alone. I also found leads to other helpful resources.
I found this resource long after I needed it myself, but it is so good at pointing out what one should look for in a voice care team, I wish I had found it when I felt lost. The author is Brittani Farrell. She has extensive credentials (MS CCC-SLP, MM, NCVS-TRAINED VOCOLOGIST) and experience that make her advice very valuable. Incidentally, I found her because she posts at the Reddit board already mentioned. She was offering such solid, steady, well-informed guidance, I sought out her website.
The Vocal Cord Paralyis Support Group on Facebook is an active and caring community I only just discovered. Even though I am recovered from vocal fold paralysis, on my last scope and exam, there was still evidence of paresis (not paralysis, but intermittent times when the vocal fold doesn’t move as it should) so I value being in touch with this community. And yes, I found this resource on the aforementioned Reddit Board.
Experiences with vocal cord paralysis vary widely. Here’s a summary of mine:
Lost my voice in December 2022. Assumed to be caused by virus (Covid). Saw a generalist ENT in January 2023. Found specialty care by late February 2023. Breathing and swallowing issues were most present for me in the first months and improved thereafter, even though my voice did not.
At the three month mark, I tried laryngoplasty– a procedure in which a temporary filler is injected in the paralyzed vocal fold to improve speaking voice until the body can heal. For many, this procedure lasts up to six months (can be repeated) and is an invaluable physical and emotional support while waiting. Unfortunately, for me the positive effect on my voice lasted only two days.
My voice began to sound normal again after about eight months, despite the fact that my vocal fold remained paralyzed. “The body can do mircaculous things to adapt,” my speech pathologist told me.
Improvement in my voice came gradually. Almost imperceptibly, at first. Wondered if I was imagining the progress. Over the course of about four weeks, I experienced the return of my normal voice bit by bit. I know that some report sudden return of voice, so I share my experience just to let people know that it can happen gradually, as well.
At the twelve month mark, December 2023, at my final appointment with my care team, the scope showed that my paralyzed vocal fold was able to move “purposefully” again and that I was “largely functional.” When I spoke quickly, my right vocal fold was failing to move properly, but was largely back in action. Never knew how glorious it would feel to labeled “largely functional!”
Looking for answers? Support? Here are some of the places I found it. Every tab except the one that summarizes my paralysis timeline links to the resource mentioned if you click the text in that tab.
LetterPRess Chapbook
Invited by publisher James Wilder of The Wild Apple Press to create a short essay on my voice loss experience, he asked me for no more than 1,300 words. I thought it would be impossible to distill my story further. And yet, working in a different medium, I found a new freedom.
Called Postcards From My Voice, I centered the narrative around a practice featured in the film that resonated with many viewers. In the early months, I told myself that my voice had gone on vacation without me. At the prompting of a wise friend, I imagined my voice writing postcards home to me. At first, this self-subterfuge helped me hold the situation lightly. But ultimately, it led me to a deepened understanding of my Self and my Voice, endearing both to me in ways I had never experienced before.
The press run for this book was fifty-one copies. They are not for sale. I am currently exploring ways to share this version more widely while still honoring the handmade version that is so precious.
A condition in which the voice produces two sounds of different pitch simultaneously.
Praise for the film
“I just watched Diplophonia and was deeply moved. What a beautiful, honest, and witty film! I hope that many people will get to see it. What amazes me is your awareness: of what you were going through; taking care of yourself by recording the process and then that process becoming part of the healing.”
MEREDITH MONK, Composer, Singer, Interdisciplinary Artist
“I don’t know that I have seen a film that so fully captures what one person is going through–the layers of lived experience. Visually stunning and brimming with evocative wisdom.”
DIANE M. MILLIS, PhD, Author of Re-Creating a Life: Learning How to Tell Our Most Life-Giving Story
“What happens when a voice artist loses the primary instrument of her art? The growing resonance of this question, both medically and philosophically, is the true subject of Diplophonia. This documentary is Lucy Mathews Heegaard’s best work yet⏤personal, cosmological, cathartic, and fierce.”
CAROLYN COOKE, Author of The Bostons, Daughters of the American Revolution, and Amor and Psycho
“What a journey. What a heartfelt piece of art. The visuals were stunning and soothing at the same time. It could have gone in so many other directions. Seems like you lived with this experience, gathering recordings and images and distilling them for a long while, But NO … it is a relatively recent occurrence.”
ELLEN FISHER, Movement-based Performance Artist, Member of the Meredith Monk Vocal Ensemble
“My vocal cords strained and tightened as I watched. I felt every moment with Lucy, worrying about her slumping vocal cord, the uncertainties of treatment, and all the waiting. I also counted the days with her, heard her laugh and sing, and delighted in each postcard from her voice inviting her to speak. For me, Diplophonia is a diary of loss and found. When Lucy’s voice returned, mine relaxed, too.”
DR. CINDY SHEARER, Program Chair, MFA in Interdisciplinary Arts and Writing, California Institute of Integral Studies
Watch the trailer
Diplophonia: A Diary of Voice Loss by Lucy Mathews Heegaard is a documentary film completed in January, 2024. 52:20 running time.
“[the voice] signifies both embodiment and subjectivity, and in that sense can be seen as the most 'personal' attribute of a human being.”
Deborah Cameron, Language: Designer Voices
SHare the Story
I hope the story, in all its iterations, will have meaning to those experiencing losses of any kind. Many who have experienced the story have never had a voice disorder yet have shared that they were moved to reflect on their own the experiences of grief and loss through the story.
The film is in the final leg of consideration for film festivals so is still not streaming publicly for this reason. However, I am eager for the story to offer comfort where ever it might be of use, so if you’d like to view it personally or with a group, please contact me for a password protected link to watch.
The newly published chapbook is not for sale due to the very limited press run. I am exploring avenues now for how I might share it. Stay tuned here for details.
Interested in a private screening?
Email me at lucy@studiolustories.org
“That inner voice has both gentleness and clarity. So to get down to authenticity, you really keep going down to the bone, to the honesty, and the inevitability of something.”
Meredith Monk, Mountain Record: The Zen Pracitioner’s Journal Volume XXII, Number 4
Copyright 2025 Lucy Mathews Heegaard. All rights reserved.